A message to the person who hit me with their FRIGGIN' CAR!!!

So I got hit by a car today. What'd you do?

Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to imply that I was rear ended or that some one hit my car with their car. What I'm saying is that some one took their car and caused it to collide with my tanned, sculpted man-flesh causing me to say something like "Ow."

The driver wasn't going that fast. She was stopped at a stop sign and failed to notice that there was a pedestrian in front of her before going. Six blocks later when she realized that she had a human hood ornament hugging the the front of her car like Harrison Ford in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" (only without the girlish, panicky look on his face) she immediately stopped and got out to apologize.

I assured her that I was quite all right and that this kind of thing happens to me all the time and not to worry. I apologized for stepping in front of her car and said I hoped I didn't damage it to badly, being the solid thing I am. And with a wink and a grin I limped off trying very hard not to cry until she was out of earshot.

Once my heart rate returned to normal it dawned on me that the girl who'd just run me over was, in addition to being an awful driver, absolutely fucking gorgeous. And I didn't get her number. And if there is one situation in which a beautiful woman is obliged to give you her phone number, it's right after she hits you with her car. Right?

I swear, they're carving "MISSED HIS SHOT" on my fucking tombstone as we speak.

So, if you're a ridiculously hot girl and if you recently hit a ruggedly hansom bald man with your car and if you feel bad about it (which you should because my leg really hurts) then you should contact me through this blog. You should contact me because, I'm currently laid up in my apartment for the next six to eight weeks and I'm in need of a nurse and/or French maid to help me with, um, stuff (no formal training or experience required, uniform will be provided, I love you!)